June 13th was Men’s Mental Health Awareness Day and the launch of the No Pause Project, a social change initiative and card game designed to redefine masculinity within communities of color. The initiative supports Therapy For Black Men. An organization that provides culturally competent care for men of color and has provided over $110,000 worth of free therapy sessions. Organizations like Therapy For Black Men have pushed the mental health conversation forward, challenging long-held cultural norms that had stifled emotional expression and vulnerability among men.
Growing up, we all heard “pause” and no homo”. At the time, I thought it was just another silly thing boys said. I assumed it would fade away with maturity like all our other childhood antics. For those unfamiliar, “pause” is used to call attention to an unintentional double entendre that might be considered homoerotic. A verbal eraser meant to absolve the speaker from any insinuation of homosexuality.
For over a decade, “pause” was sitting below the radar. Unexamined, unchallenged, and brushed off as cultural nostalgia. But rappers like Camron and Mase have helped to resurrect the phrase to the point of exhaustion on their popular podcast It Is What It Is. This new attention has also sparked new criticism. As men get more comfortable exploring and expressing their emotions without fear of judgment, they’re also questioning the weight of these unwritten rules and whether or not they are worth carrying.
The No Pause Project aims to make safe spaces more casual. The social campaign to bring awareness and the card game component serves as both an icebreaker and a conversation starter, encouraging participants to share their thoughts and experiences on topics ranging from identity and mental health to societal expectations. I showed several prompts from the game to Black men in my circle – they all had mixed reactions. Asking them to twerk was a hard pass across the board (even to a friend who is openly gay). You going to therapy or nah, was met with Obviously we going or We been going (I love a group of healed Kings). Even the name of a homie you think is handsome question got an answer from everyone.
Are Black men labeled – yes. Do they suppress parts of themselves to conform to the culture’s traditional and narrow definition of masculinity – yes, some of them do. But they also are not a monolith. A lot of what we see on social media is indeed cap. Pause is not the next social epidemic, but it does deserve to be examined and challenged as to the broader implications of harmful stereotypes around masculinity. Black men deserve the freedom to define their masculinity in any way they choose. The path to that freedom includes awareness, uncomfortable conversations, and maybe a new card game with the homies.
Click here for more information on the No Pause Project and to download the card game. Donate to Therapy For Black Men here.